I feel so ungrateful when I complaining about being busy. There are moms out there who juggle children and full-time jobs and supporting their family, and that’s the norm. That doesn’t cover the men and women dealing with illness or single-parent homes or multiple full time jobs, etc etc.
It’s just me and Josh and our little old house that I love so much. We’re so so lucky, so I curse those moments that I’m screaming because I can’t scrub the paint off the floor. Or the times that I’m staring in disgust at my trim because it needs to be repainted and the floor needs grout cleaner and I STILL don’t have art on my walls. The worst are the moments of clarity, “I’m so happy, why am I acting like an insane person,??” that are far too quickly followed by more acts of insanity, “I can’t be happy! Happy people have kitchen tables!” (spoiler: happy people don’t need kitchen tables)
I mean, I spent last night sitting on my couch writing, J was cleaning, we we’re listening to our old record player and drinking leftover IPAs from our housewarming party. LIFE IS GOOD DAMNIT. Yes, I struggle daily balancing my other full time job and this little place that I love so much. I fight to find time for my friends, for my family, for Josh. I plan my evenings down to the second to paint approximately 1.5 rooms (if I make it home at precisely 7:32 PM). I go to work with paint in my hair. We DO finally have a kitchen table, but we don’t have kitchen table chairs. Or a coffee table. Or a TV. We don’t have art, our guest bedroom is in shambles, and don’t get me started on the current state of my office.
But we have our perfect screened-in porch where we share our day over supper. We have these pictures from our housewarming party. These reminders of all of our family and friends who came to one place to see us. It was such a beautiful day, and each moment I was reminded how happy I am, how lucky I am, and how silly I have been for letting it all stress me out.
I’m still learning, I’m still trying to navigate these waters, I’m praying to find the balance between busy and happy. It’s a seemingly impossible balance to hold for long, but those small moments, where you’re completely overwhelmed, but you can’t stop smiling? Those are the good ones.
Thanks for letting me ramble today. Not that you had a choice ;) Doesn’t happen often around here, but to write it all out, it was everything. Grateful for all of you and this little place.